My Pride Email from 2010
pride
Pronunciation: \ˈprīd\
Function: noun
1 : the quality or state of being proud: as a : inordinate self-esteem : conceit b : a reasonable or justifiable self-respect c : delight or elation arising from some act, possession, or relationship <parental pride>
From somewhere in my childhood, probably from church, I remember learning that it was a bad thing to be proud and/or that pride was a sin. Over the years, I have not been consistently religious, but that idea has stuck with me. I've altered it in my mind a little (or maybe it was always this way) that it is all right to be proud of someone else and their accomplishments, but not to be proud of yourself and your own accomplishments. I've always felt guilty when I feel proud of myself.
In recent years, as Gay Pride rolls around and has become less of a drunkfest for me, I spend more time wondering what it really represents. Because of the thought process described in the previous paragraph, I first assume that it's a time to be proud of what I call "gaydom"; you know, the overall experience of being gay, from a generic perspective, certainly not my own. The problem is that I'm not particularly proud of that. I don't feel enough of a connection to that in order to be proud of it. (And surely, no one else can be proud of this entire "gaydom"; aspects of it, sure, but who isn't embarrassed by at least some part of it?)
So then it must be about being proud of your own "gayness". But I find that problematic, as well. If I were going to proud of myself for something, I don't think it would necessarily be simply because I'm gay. It's not that I'm ashamed of being gay; I've long accepted that I was born that way, that my parents didn't do it to me, that the sight of another man with his shirt off is what makes something in my panties tingle and, most importantly, that there's nothing wrong with it. It's just that there are many other things that I am and that I've accomplished that I would prefer to celebrate.
To reconcile all of this in my mind, what I like to do now is remove the word "Gay" from "Gay Pride" and simply celebrate "Pride". I think everyone has something unique to be proud of. And whether or not we all participate in a communal celebration of pride, we should at least take a moment to feel proud… about ourselves… about something. What have we accomplished in life if we can't look back, pat ourselves on the back and say, "Hey, this makes me really happy."? Isn't that the point, to be happy? I don't believe life is about sadness and suffering.
This year during "Pride", I hope everyone will experience at least one moment of "delight or elation arising from some act, possession or relationship". Whatever it is that you like about yourself, or feel a sense of accomplishment for having done, celebrate it in your own way. Everyone has something to be happy about! Part of my celebration includes writing this email and including you in its distribution. Because you are one of the relationships of which I am proud; you bring something special into my life.
I’ve never started a chain Email, but if you feel like forwarding this to someone, please feel free to do so. Let them know you’re proud of them. Don’t worry about making its origin anonymous; I’m proud of what it says!
Jeff Owens, Kansas City, 6-4-10