The Coundown Ends... What Have We Learned?

I started my Countdown to Halloween on October 1 by questioning why I love horror movies.  I mentioned that I am not the only person who puts himself through the ordeal of watching horror movies, particularly when so many of them are bad.  The phenomenon of people enjoying movies that stimulate fear, perhaps the most negative emotion, is called the "horror paradox".  I embarked on a quest to find answers to my question.

First of all, if you read any of my posts this month, there should be no doubt that I love horror movies.  I love watching them, I love studying them and I love writing about them.  Even when I wasn't searching for answers, I researched and wrote about lesbian vampires, animated horrors,  Italian horror movies and found footage.  I wrote not only about movies, but also about television, comic strips, video games and comic books.

I recap the month like this simply to emphasize my question: why?!?  What can I possibly learn about myself from all my research and all my writing?

Decades of Horror

One of the common theories used to explain the horror paradox is that people watch horror movies as a way of coping with actual fears or violence.  Since one source of our fears is undoubtedly the world in which we live, I examined the popular horror movies of different decades to see how they reflected the general fears and uncertainties of the times.  But how did they reflect my general fears and uncertainties?

Born in 1963, I was a pop culture kid from the start.  Before horror, the first thing I remember is Batman.  I remember watching the TV show (1966-1968) and dressing as the Caped Crusader for Halloween.  About the same time, I remember watching Lost in Space (1965-1967).  I guess my first specific memory of horror was watching Dark Shadows after school when we lived at 3205 W. Maine and seeing House of Dark Shadows, or at least part of it, at the theater.

My point is, I was anywhere from 3-6 years old during this time, so I don't think I had any general fears or uncertainties about the 1960s.  I had a good home life.  I enjoyed school.  I think I was artistic and/or creative even then.  Maybe what Batman, Lost in Space and Dark Shadows had in common was the wonder they inspired.  If anything, that's how I remember the 60s: a decade of wonder when man first landed on the moon.

Halfway through first grade, we moved to 2001 Seneca.  This is where I first remember falling in love with The Wizard of Oz (a new friend at school, Jana Jackson, missed the annual telecast, so I invited her to my new house to listen to the record) and the Universal monsters.  This is the era of going to bed early on Friday nights and my dad waking me up at midnight to watch them on TV, even though he teased me that they spoke Pig-Latin.

This was the early 1970s.  I was 7-12 years old.  I do remember some worries then, but since I was oblivious to what was happening in the world around me, they came from my own little environment.  I was nervous about a new school.  I didn't have many friends.  In 5^th grade (my worst year of grade school), I actually challenged a bully to an after-school fight, from which I later chickened-out.  What effect did all this have in forming my interest in horror?

In junior high, I was told to go home one day when I wore my Farrah t-shirt to school.  My siblings and I loved Charlie's Angels.  (My favorite was Farrah, my sister's, Jaclyn, and my brother's, Kate.)  I collected comics and genre magazines and Wacky Packages.  I clipped pictures from Hollywood magazines and started my "files" in my bedroom closet.  I made copies of newspaper movie ads at my father's business on evenings, which I collected into 3-ring binders.  I enjoyed reading mysteries and subscribed to "Ellery Queen" magazine.

Still oblivious to the world around me, my social anxieties increased.  I'd had a crew cut for years and was always the target of ridicule because of it.  Upperclassmen would rub my head and call me a fairy.  Looking back, I think this took a toll on me.  I had regular "sick" headaches that debilitated me.  Telling my father about it one night, he told me that "fairy" meant a boy who liked boys.  "Well, that's not me," I told him.  While I didn't seem to be as interested in horror in the late 70s when I was 12-16 years old, what seeds were being sown for the future?

In high school, my interest in movies, regardless of genre, grew.  But if you look back on reviews I wrote for "The Quill", the Enid High newspaper, it's obvious I favored horror.  I specifically remember receiving a press kit for The Funhouse, going to see it, then writing about it.  In 1978, I saw Halloween for the first of what would be many, many times.  That experience renewed my love of horror and sent me to college wearing it on my sleeve.  I dragged fraternity brothers to see Halloween II, took a date to The Beast Within at the drive-in and first saw A Nightmare on Elm Street in the crappy theater in Fulton, Missouri.

In the late-1970s to early-1980s, I was a little more aware of world events.  Still, though, when I was 15-22 years old, they seemed distant to me.  But they were influencing the personal things.   My father's business was failing and he became unemployed.  While I was away from the family, my younger siblings at home were experiencing things I never did.  And after graduation, I was going to have to get a job.  What in the hell was I going to do?  I think in this era, horror movies became more of a conscious escape for me.  While I was watching them, I didn't have to think about the real world.  They gave me something to anticipate, something to study and something to enjoy.

I'm not going to continue decade by decade.  My love of horror had fully formed by now.  For whatever reason, it was engrained within me and it wasn't going to change.  Not when I married (I'll never forget being pissed that my fiancée wouldn't see Killer Party with me), not when I had a daughter (who, bless her, seems to now enjoy horror movies, although not to the extent that I do), and not when I divorced (scary movies became good again for dates, even though I was now dating men).

These days, I'm extremely concerned about our country.  I never learned more about politics than I did when George W. Bush was president.  (Neither have I been more terrified of the real world!)  I've experienced home ownership, running my own business, bankruptcy and lawsuits.  In a way, I'm now desensitized by all this.  Maybe that's why horror is my favorite escape.  Not only does it take my mind off the real world, but it does so in a way that stimulates a tired, old system.
Theory:  Confronting Our Own Mortality

I don't believe I love horror movies because they help me cope with death.  However, since I am not afraid of dying, maybe that's because I've watched so many horror movies.  The reason I enjoy the Final Destination movies is instead (I think) because I like the series of coincidences leading to/causing each death.  You know it's going to happen, you just aren't sure how.  While some of the death scenes are more clever than others, the concept never gets old.  Don't fight it, you can't cheat death.

Theory:  Reliving Our Youth

This theory probably comes closer than any other to explaining why I love horror movies.  (I didn't just write over a thousand words about growing up for nothing.)  However, I don't think I love horror movies because they remind me of specific childhood times.  My memories are not necessarily about events surrounding horror movies, but of watching the horror movies themselves.  I think this theory is more important from the perspective of when this took place rather than why.

Theory:  Enjoying the Rush

This theory places a close second in explaining why I love horror movies.  It's simple:  I don't think I would ever have latched onto them if I didn't simply enjoy them.  I've written frequently about the feeling I get when the suspense is good.  My heart races, my body constricts and then… I relax.  I don't know about the scientific reasons for this; I'm more inclined to believe that if you're in a relatively smooth-sailing part of your life, horror movies can provide some cheap, entertaining thrills.

Theory:  Sympathizing with the Monster

I feel pretty healthy about this one; I don't think I love horror movies because I sympathize with the bad guy.  I have a clear understanding of who the heroes and villains are in a movie.  I'm sure I feel sorry for King Kong or Frankenstein's monster (who doesn't?) but I've never admired Norman Bates or Hannibal Lecter.  Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees and Freddy Krueger?  Nope; nothing about what they do elicits empathy from me.

When I'm watching a horror movie, part of the thrill is cheering for the good guy to survive.  I'm squirming for Laurie Strode to escape Michael Myers, not for Michael Myers to get her.  I definitely sympathize with the good guy because… that's me.  And I'm not a monster.  If a monster were chasing me, I'd cheer for myself, not it.  However, I will admit enjoying the more deadly monsters.  They offer a bigger threat, so the stakes for survival are also bigger.

Theory:  Acknowledging Reality

While I've admitted to enjoying horror movies as an escape from reality, there's no blur in the line that separates the two.  I'm well aware that horror movies aren't real; however, that's not consciously why I enjoy them.  There must be a little sliver of my mind that thinks they could happen.  If not, would they really be scary?  More likely, they're simply metaphors for my real fears, whatever they may be at any given point in time.
Conclusions?

Obviously, there's no definitive answer for why I love horror movies.  It's all of these things; it's none of these things.  I never made a conscious decision to be a horror fan, but neither do I believe some deep-rooted secret in my subconscious made the decision for me.  I don't know how much more I could research or write to figure it out.

But more importantly, I don't know that I need to.  Yes, I was curious.  But does it really matter why I love horror?  The fact is simply that I do.

So, did I cop-out by not reaching a specific conclusion in my Countdown to Halloween?  I think not.  It's been a lot of fun.  I set the goal to write... something... every single day of the month and guess what?  I did it!  And I enjoyed every minute of it!  For those of you who joined me, I hope you did as well.  Until next year?!?

Happy, Happy Halloween!